Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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