I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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