some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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