Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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