But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
