I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
