okay pat passed out under dana's car
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
