Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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