Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
