He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
