If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
