Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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