first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
