You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
