sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
