Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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