I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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