He felt like a one man threesome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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