I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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