man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
