As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
how does that bad decision feel?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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