I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
