Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
