plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
