You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
