I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
