32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
