I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Mom said you looked used
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
