just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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