I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
