I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
