And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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