Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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