Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
