i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
