Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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