I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
