Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
