I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
