I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
