he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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