You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
