he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
