i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
