Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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