I wish i was in the wii world.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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