Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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