Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
