Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
