Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this will be a night to untag.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
