Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
