So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
