I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
