i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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