A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
