i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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