I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
