I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
