I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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