shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this hospital has no fireball
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
