Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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