You just made me feel so damn special
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ketchup is God's man juice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
