Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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