I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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