and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
