I'm jealous of your bromance
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We had sex on a dog bed..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
