Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
