Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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