4 words: hood of his car
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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