I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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