There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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