you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
