I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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