I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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