Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you still have your period?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
