god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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