He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
